Okay, so you date people hoping that one of these days you will come across the right person, the one you will make the greatest romantic connection with. But does it feel like you are going nowhere and believe that you just have no luck with meeting the right people? Feel like you are lost and doomed in this whole dating business? Stop feeling sorry for yourself!

The reality of this situation is that luck has nothing to do with it. If you are like many people, you are probably dating blindfolded, without even realizing that you are doing so. If you feel unsuccessful and dissatisfied with your dating patterns, then it is time for you to take a few steps back to see where things went wrong for you. Think you have been doing everything right? Think again! If you look back, you will be surprised to learn that you got so caught up in just the whole dating experience, that you forgot what to look out for and neglected your true needs and desires. What are you really looking for in a lover? What are your needs and desires? What qualities are important for a person to have and what other qualities are you willing to compromise with and accept?

Getting back in touch with what you are really looking for will help prevent you from staying in the dating scene forever. It is essential that you observe your actions and decisions, making sure that you do not continue to date certain people in the name of dating. If you find that you are not sharing the connection you crave with a person, then you must discontinue with dating that person. Sure, you will feel bad for hurting that persons feelings, but what you must remember is that there is nothing too personal or emotional between the two of you anyway, so just throw that excuse out- and just break it off, in a polite manner of course! This is where so many get stuck, mistaking casual trial dates, with a personal and emotional relationship. This may sound too businesslike for your taste, but this is the way it goes in the real world of dating. If you spend your time trying to spare people hurt or disappointment, then you have been doing it all wrong. This does not mean that you have to be harsh and rude, but it does mean that you have to make finding the right person a first and high priority for, not worrying about what other people with think of you.

Which moves us to the next essential point in dating. While it is normal that you fix yourself up to make a great impression on your date, it is not the most important thing that you should focus on. In fact, so many dating singles out there worry so much about what their date will think, that they totally forgot the purpose of the date- to find out whether or not they will find the connection they are seeking. No matter how you fix yourself and what manners or personality you put on, you will never be in control of what your date will think or feel about the date, so set that unnecessary stress aside. Instead, shift your focus about what you will think about him or her. Observe everything about them. Do YOU like their appearance? Does their personality appeal to YOU? Do YOU feel that you are making a good connection? As you can see, it is what you think that is important here, because you are the one looking for the right person, as well as certain qualities. Leave what they think, up to them!

The fear of being single forever can cloud your good judgment, causing you to continue seeing a person who you know you are not entirely satisfied with. You will do this because you will try to convince yourself that maybe you have been too picky and being with anybody, even if you are not crazy about him or her, is better than nobody. Stop lying to yourself! You do not have to get stuck with someone you are not entirely happy with, nor do you have to be single forever. Being honest and up front from the beginning is what will get you where you want to be and whom you want to be with. Do not worry that you may scare off someone by telling him or her exactly what expectations you have and how serious of a relationship you are looking for. Look at this way, if they get scared that quickly, then it is a sign that they were not looking for the same thing as you are, so it saves you time and you can then move on to dating someone else.

As long as you get real with yourself, stop making excuses, know what your really want, stick to it and make it clear to the people that you date, then you will be safe from too many mixed messages, misunderstandings and frustrations. When you treat your goal of meeting the right person seriously and important, then you will stay motivated to find him or her, and when you do- you will finally be able to begin the kind of relationship that you have always longed for, needed and deserve.

The UK Dating Scene: Single Lives

The UK dating scene is a tough environment in which to be single. These days so many of us are single and looking for Mr. or Miss Right and so I thought it may be useful to focus on one country and consider some aspects of dating. People working in the UK dating  industry will tell you that its no place for the shy just now. There are fewer eligible people we all think and more people looking so it comes as no surprise then that dating can be a vicious game.

This first struck me in a London city bar one Friday evening when I noticed just how many single people there were enjoying lots of drink, flirting like crazy and kissing in all corners. Wow, I thought, this must be the place to be if one is single. Then it dawned on my slow- thinking brain, none of the people in this bar are single, they all have partners. Partners are home, or partners doing the same as them in a  bar down the street. They are simply flirting because they can and because staying with one person is becoming harder and harder. Friday night flirtation was their entertainment and release. But over a period of weeks it appeared that this was a regular sport practiced in bars across the UK. It appears then that lots of people are on the lookout for the next best thing in their lives. And lots of single people on the UK dating scene in fact aren't.

At first the situation too me by surprise but it appears really that the situation of semi-attached couples flirting as single people on the UK dating scene is part and parcel of a worldwide phenomenon - dissatisfaction. Maybe it is part of the need for people to release the stress of long working days, maybe it is the inevitability of being able to split, separate and divorce so easily. Perhaps it is directly related to our needs to seek out the new, the better, the comparable. After all, we are children of a marketing generation..

For those of us in the UK who are genuinely single, we ask ourselves why we are single. Its an often asked question. Looking at many of my single English friends I am often surprised how many eligible well educated people struggle to find someone to date. The UK dating scene has become a world of Bridget Jones and their male equivalent. Commercially aware, business-educated, upwardly mobile, well educated and well groomed individuals with money to burn. But can they find a date on Saturday night? Not a chance my friend.

The UK dating scene I reckon is somewhat ageist. The first phase really encompassed UK daters up to about the age of 25, from students and college people through to those singles who have stepped into their first working roles and matured accordingly. This social age group has no real issues with regards to dating and is generally governed by their peer group. Dating may be through friends and fellow students or coworkers of similar ages, or through sport and interests.

From around the age of 25 onwards UK dating landscape changes significantly, it moves directly into the realm of bar and club culture. Yes social activities, friends and family all play their part as a dating influence under current, but generally, people between the ages of 25 and 34 have money, an active social life and a career of one kind or another. People meet each other in the local bar or pub after work and at weekends singles will flirt and meet up in local bars and clubs or move on the the larger offerings of the city canter. Once again there is an inherent dating dynamic here that allows single people to find an outlet for their dating desires.

As one moves into their early thirties this is when we get Bridget Jones syndrome. Successful career orientated individuals with a good lifestyle, possibly a house or apartment, money invested or certainly some in the bank and plenty of free time. Slightly too old for the trance and rave clubs of those ten years younger but perhaps still on the periphery. Too young to move into middle aged circles we find that an entirely new dating sub culture has grown up around an active, dynamic and slightly lost age group. It is no coincidence the US led the way with the TV show ThirtySomething in the late 1980's.

Beyond the ThirtySomething age group we then move into troubled waters. Whilst a handsome proportion of UK society may well be married or living with someone and have children, we also have a significant group of people who are once again single, divorced or separated, too old for the club culture that surrounds them but too young for more sedate matters. What strikes me most about single people in the UK is how age is now disappearing as a stigma and a barrier. People of all ages are now taking up their own dynamics where dating is concerned, they are joining agencies, dating regularly and very much in charge of what they are about. Look at the age group of the women of Sex and the City - 37.

The UK dating scene is not a barren wasteland so much as an outdoor assault course. There is much dating to be done and many eligible people about. What appears to be the issue in the UK and elsewhere is an outlet for meeting people of similar age groups. Whilst the bar and club may still provide that bastion of dating ground, the fact is that many single people are tired of relying on the same old formula. And  to deal with this dating demand we are finding society responding. The rise of the UK cafe bar culture, the increase in top quality restaurants, the changes in licensing laws, the burgeoning loft apartment culture are all catering to the ever increasing UK singles population who do have money to spend and desire places to date in grater comfort than ever before.