The Second Date: Dating Tips For Meeting Up Again

Once you have had a successful first date and have made contact again to establish a second meeting it is amazing how many people start questioning the situation and worrying unnecessarily. When people arrange a second date confidence levels should be high because you have already established a mutual attraction and interest level so don't forget that he/she has already indicated they like you a lot. The first date may have been short and sweet but the desire is high on both sides and so it is now that you need to develop the situation into something more concrete.

1. If you are going to blow the situation it is now. You got over the first major hurdle but now she or he will be paying particular attention to seek confirmation about certain assumptions they have already made. If you presented a false image first time round you will get caught out now. If you told lies, you will have to be extremely careful about what you say.

2. If we establish that you weren't creating a facade on the first date and were being yourself then the second date is to establish more of the same but on a grander scale with more detail. This is the perfect opportunity to move your dating away from the dinner table or bar and into a weekend day out.

3. It is still too early to offer dinner at your own apartment or theirs but you need more time now to get to know each other and the phone won't assist you. You need human contact and interaction with your love-interest. I therefore recommend you establish if possible a Saturday or Sunday lunchtime to meet so that you can combine a coffee or light lunch with a walk in the park or on the beach, maybe throw a ball about or go to a sporting occasion.

4. A second date is too early for theater or movies because you must communicate a lot at this stage. Therefore you need a place to walk and talk and start to feel comfortable in each others' company. Book shops, browsing, a market, antique stalls, a sport, a club, a shopping trip. The options are endless. But as you both feel you need to seek out some further intimacy a lunchtime meeting can extend throughout the afternoon and into evening, depending on how you feel about one another.

4. A weekend afternoon lends itself to ebbs and flows, you can talk openly at a cafe table and then walk and feel how it is to walk next to your date. There may be the opportunity to hold hands or create spontaneous entertainment or even a small first kiss. The afternoon will lend itself to distractions for the first time with the things around you which will inject interesting equations into your communication dynamic.

5. Once again keep in mind an end time for this date. Allow things to flow but don't leave things so open ended that you appear hanging around as if you have nothing better to do. You have both just compromised your special off-duty time to be with each other but if you have plans for the evening then once again you appear busy and interesting. This is always essential to successful dating.

6. Once again, although your conversation on this second date will have more substance and credence to it, you should still shy away from discussing anything about ex relationships and sex. The enigma factor remains and whilst the desire and interest factor on both sides may be very high, too much too soon can easily spoil everything.

7. It is on this occasion that you will establish once and for all whether you both wish to continue establishing a basic relationship. Though we won't use that word at this stage as it is too early, it is in fact what is happening. You may tempt each other in a restaurant by feeding each other food, which is a sign of showing you can provide for each other. You may playfully tickle and touch and do the many subtle things that demonstrate attraction, but it is a situation that builds slowly. Therefore I recommend that you try and keep relaxed.

8. It is likely that you will be feeling a little uneasy because of your high interest levels and sense of attraction. You will feel an urgency to feel something more definite or concrete but this will not yet establish itself and therefore you must simply think of your second date as a dawning of your knowledge of each other and a time for fun. It is a moment to be savored.

9. If you haven't told your date you are attracted to them then you must at least tell them that you are having a great time. Using words is important but do NOT go over the top. The love word comes a long time later whatever you may be feeling. Yes love at first sight does happen, but you do not need to say it. However you should compliment your date and allow them some feeling of security by making them feel comfortable if possible. And they should do the same for you.

10. The second date is about fulfilling the promises established in the first date. It is about setting out future possibilities by getting to know each other and having fun. There is nothing more to add at this time because from now on you will do more of the same and continue to do so until your dating starts to become a relationship.

11. On the other hand, the second date also allows you to uncover some truths about your date you may have missed on the first date. It is a time for building the basics and therefore you will be able to establish if there is a way forward or whether this is the time to stop. If you don't wish to carry things on then there is nothing lost, you simply owe it to your date to be honest one way or another.

Beginning A New Relationship
The First Four Weeks

Gosh, it doesn't get more unstable than this. You feel sick, you can't eat, you don't know what you are thinking and feeling, but you are thinking excessively. You feel happy, you feel sad, you feel unsettled, you worry, you are ecstatic. You want to panic and wish you had said no. What's happening to you? You are in your first four weeks of dating someone.

The first thing that can happen with a date is that you feel trepidation before the event. You may have had lots of dates and expect little but are pleasantly surprised. You may have been building up to the date and its gone really well and you are surprised, pleasantly. You may actually feel unhappy and irritated that a first date went well because now you have to give some thought to the situation. Initially then you need to decide if you are going to take it further or whether last night's promises and optimism has changed in the cold light of day. For almost everyone, however good or bad you will feel some trepidation, even if you are walking on the moon.

For many, the days after a first date that went really well will make you feel great. You feel desired, attractive and you realize that someone really likes you who you are attracted to. But - until you have secured a second date you will still feel like you have got it all wrong and that you are mistaken. When that second date is finalized you will again feel great and this is a real test because this time you will be analyzing each other more thoroughly and testing each other in verbal interplay and emotional content in your conversation. Your reliability and your wit will be tested as well as many other extremely subtle facets of your character. At this stage you most certainly should not have had sex!

After the second date is where panic can set in. If you really like this person you will panic and worry that you can lose them before anything has even got going. On the other hand you may like them and panic that it could all be too much too soon and wish to run without finding out. So this is where disaster can begin to intervene on a perfect future. You can quickly come across as overbearing and possessive, even though you haven't got into a relationship yet. So stop calling and stop pondering and ensure you carry on as best u can with a routine. In other words, back off and be cool. Take your time and stop panicking. If you are going to go out, then you will but don't rush it.

If, on the other hand, you are simply not sure about looming intimacy then again take your time and be cool. The pleasure in the first few weeks of dating is in its turmoil and its passion but also in savoring every moment. In a long term relationship these are days hard to repeat so take in the atmosphere of knowing someone new and enjoy the encounters as they happen. A new relationship doesn't have to lead to marriage and commitment so stop thinking too much and simply enjoy your dates as they happen.

There will be many dilemmas in the first few weeks such as your first kiss, where you should go on dates, whether you should phone, what happens if they didn't call when expected, concern things are over already. The you will move on to whether you should invite them in for coffee, what happens if you want to go to bed with them or what happens as your emotions increase. Once again it is about trying to keep the basics in perspective. Your entire day-to-day life can be affected by beginning to like someone and fall in love so the only thing that gives you any structure is your regular daily pattern. Because of this it is crucial to keep as many things regular as possible. Try and sustain your daily regime, including clubs, hobbies and trips to the gym. However one of the beautiful aspects of this initial period is the breaking of that regime to find small intense emotional moments with your new friend.

People often ask me when a date becomes a relationship and I have answered that more fully in a  different article but to my own mind the first 4 weeks are crucial in creating a basic foundation on which you can both develop into a relationships. You will have progressed from first date to hopefully the nth time. If you live close by you may have stopped counting by now. I can understand that circumstances may prevent regular dating for some, but I do think that if you are wanting a serious relationship to develop, proximity is helpful. In 4 weeks of dating you should have been dating plenty of times and be getting to know the beginnings of each other. 

Where dating is very very slow then there is a danger it will never actually fire the main engines for lift off so I actively encourage people to make the most of the dating opportunities presented. You see, when you really like someone, you want to be with them, you want to spend all your time with them to get to know them and understand them and learn to fall in love with them. For this to happen you have to meet very regularly to build up that level of intimacy otherwise you may be wasting your time.

The first 4 weeks are critical as they are the testing time. If you get through this initial period you have a chance of building into a relationship. In my view it is too soon for sex if you are serious but too long for just a couple of meetings. It is the perfect time frame to know whether you are fairly compatible above and beyond the initial physical attraction. A month of dating is a month of happy events and phone calls and memories. If in that period things aren't working out, then you can walk away with no harm done.

You may feel sick and you may feel unsteady, but when we all look back and try and describe what being in love is like, most of us tend to remember the first four weeks when we met and use those feelings to describe how beautifully unsettling everything truly is.